"My Struggle: Faith & Religion "

I have had this piece for a while and have been debating as to whether or not I should post it. And then I thought to myself, "It's my blog, why the hell not?" So here it is:

I'm not writing this to offend anyone, I'm writing this because I genuinely have a struggle with Religion. But what people don't understand is just because I may not be religious it doesn't mean I don't have Faith. I do believe in God, I have to believe in God- knowing that there is something greater out there is what keeps me grounded. It's what keeps me positive (most days). It's also not that I don't believe in Religion as a concept, I just feel that all religions and practices should be acceptable to those who observe them. More simply put: to each his own. So, I do not judge anyone who prays through a Holy book and I'm sure many who read this will think I am sinful or whatever they call it. I just believe that a prayer to God should be an "A and B" conversation, so to speak, and it should be direct- just praying to Him without something that has been written. Now, I'm not as extreme as Ludwig Feuerbach or Sigmund Freud in thinking that the whole idea of religion is a projection of human desires/anxieties, nor do I think man-kind invented God. I do however believe that the idea of Religion is quite pedestrian. Also taking note of the fact that most conflicts arise out of disputes about opposing Religious ideologies.

I'm not even projecting this from a philosophical point of view or one up for debate, I'm just saying it as I think it is. Having been at the epicenter of regional crisis and national tensions that mainly grew out of distaste to one another's religions is actually quite disgutsing and upsetting. But let's put politics aside for now. Somewhere along my journey to adulthood and independence I lost that religious connection (and even at times questioned my faith). I don't know why. I feel like most people are on this "religious train" and I can't seem to get on it. I've tried. I really have. At times it seemed as though I was chasing after that train, trying to grab hold of the side ladder or whatever to help me latch on...but nothing. I try to engage in religious holidays or practices but I don't feel anything. Am I supposed to feel something? I have a lot of unorthodox questions, too but I know when to keep my mouth shut.

I genuinely don't know what to do about this dilemma, and clearly all my questions in here are rhetorical- I don't expect answers because I don't think anyone can really tell me what to feel or do. Perhaps over time I'll learn how to accept this. I'm sure my faith will help keep me leveled and help me understand my own feelings. I'm lucky that I don't have conformists for parents or dictators either. What good is it to force religion on someone anyway? But just in case I wasn't clear, it's not that I don't believe in Religon- I certainly do- it's that I just can't place myself into just one.