I am in Love. She captivated me with her imperfections; with her dirty outer appearance but inner beauty, New York you are a dream come true. Your raw features are what make you such an enticing city. You make my heart want to implode from the excitement you bring me. It’s like you’re electric and the electricity pulsates through my skin; making me feel young, alive and vibrant. I don't want a bite, I wan't a chunk out of the Big Apple. The city that, seriously, never sleeps!
It's not the first time that we've come together; I've visited many times before but never really enjoyed the city. Something different happened this time. I found a life, I envisioned myself here in the near future and saw something good out of it. I saw something that made sense. The daily interaction with other people is unexplainable and somewhat addictive. I could roam around Manhattan for hours on end and not feel the need to "take a break". Press play on the iPod and go, this is the life.
It's a sophisticated city; known for it's "fine dining" and is populated with intellectual people from all different backgrounds. It's interesting and intrigues me. Even though short-lived, my trip to New York was surreal and definitely felt like a dream and I will forever admire the city that I may one day have the courage to live in. It is New York's hidden power that intimidates me- it's ability to change people's hearts and make them fall in love with her. For now, I enjoy flirting with New York; the future might bring commitment.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
"Brushing it off…"
So I’m sure everyone has weeks where it just feels like the whole world is crashing around you and a bad day at work turns into a bad day in your personal life and gets you thinking about all the things that you don’t want to think about (well at least I hope I’m not the only one?). Things that make you feel ugly, lonely, empty, not good enough…
Life is hard enough as it is already but then some people add to this difficulty by feeling the need to compare people with others. Why? Why is there this need to compare people’s “beauty”, people’s education, cars, clothes, significant others etc…. And it’s not fair to say that “everyone does it” ‘cause that’s not true. I don’t. My biggest competition is myself and no-one else. I compare myself today to myself yesterday every single day but I never once stop and think “oh my God what about X, why has she accomplished this already and I haven’t?”
I have a real problem being watched as if I were a puppy at a pet shop behind a glass window with people tapping their fingers against the glass to get my attention; watched by people to see if I'm as "cute" as the other puppy next to me or, if I'm as "playful". Quite frankly it's just not good for my self-esteem; it creates this added pressure on oneself that shouldn't have to be there. I shouldn't have to measure my worth by the woman that is next to me. When I'm not surrounded by these types of people- the ones that compare- I feel beautiful (somewhat), I am content with who I am (most days), I enjoy life. When I am surrounded by these people, who I've just decided to call "Confidence Depleters" (and yes, I know “depleters” is not a word but the meaning is there), I feel ugly; I'm sure as hell not content with my very being and I want to curl up and die.
This whole idea that "you're pretty...in your own way" like what the hell is that and why would you even bother saying it. Is that supposed to make me feel special? Really? Or "you've got cool sense of style but she wears designer." Umm...OK, since when was style based on brand names? Unfortunately I can never be classified as having great style because I don't own a Gucci bag...wow. The only thing I am thankful for is that I have a strong enough sense of self that I don't feel the need to change who I am. I'm not going to "dress better" because someone tells me I'm not as stylish as someone else. However, having to deal with that added pressure and constant comparison with other's is just not right.
So in the end I have decided to (for now) try and brush things off...just let it go (which I generally have a very hard time doing) and follow the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Life is hard enough as it is already but then some people add to this difficulty by feeling the need to compare people with others. Why? Why is there this need to compare people’s “beauty”, people’s education, cars, clothes, significant others etc…. And it’s not fair to say that “everyone does it” ‘cause that’s not true. I don’t. My biggest competition is myself and no-one else. I compare myself today to myself yesterday every single day but I never once stop and think “oh my God what about X, why has she accomplished this already and I haven’t?”
I have a real problem being watched as if I were a puppy at a pet shop behind a glass window with people tapping their fingers against the glass to get my attention; watched by people to see if I'm as "cute" as the other puppy next to me or, if I'm as "playful". Quite frankly it's just not good for my self-esteem; it creates this added pressure on oneself that shouldn't have to be there. I shouldn't have to measure my worth by the woman that is next to me. When I'm not surrounded by these types of people- the ones that compare- I feel beautiful (somewhat), I am content with who I am (most days), I enjoy life. When I am surrounded by these people, who I've just decided to call "Confidence Depleters" (and yes, I know “depleters” is not a word but the meaning is there), I feel ugly; I'm sure as hell not content with my very being and I want to curl up and die.
This whole idea that "you're pretty...in your own way" like what the hell is that and why would you even bother saying it. Is that supposed to make me feel special? Really? Or "you've got cool sense of style but she wears designer." Umm...OK, since when was style based on brand names? Unfortunately I can never be classified as having great style because I don't own a Gucci bag...wow. The only thing I am thankful for is that I have a strong enough sense of self that I don't feel the need to change who I am. I'm not going to "dress better" because someone tells me I'm not as stylish as someone else. However, having to deal with that added pressure and constant comparison with other's is just not right.
So in the end I have decided to (for now) try and brush things off...just let it go (which I generally have a very hard time doing) and follow the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
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