"Life Goals"

I took this picture from the PostSecret blog. It reminded me of how sad it is that most people would choose the first 3 goals over the last one. It reminds me that most people are selfish and want to leave the world by being immortal through their own successes and self-achievement: making lots of money, impressing people with superficial things and having people look up to them.
If I could take something with me before I die, it would be to help more than I've hurt. Being rich or famous isn't half as rewarding than saving a life or giving joy to people who thought they would never feel that way.
We've all hurt people whether intentionally or accidently- we're human. It's normal. But it's all about the actions that come afterwards, it's never too late to help people...

"Seasons"

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each

-Henry David Thoreau

"Half of my heart"

The lyrics to this song just touched my soul and this is definitely my December song. I absolutely adore it. John Mayer is a genius.
My favorite line would have to be "half of my heart's got a grip on the situation half of my heart takes time"

"Lifeline"

Someone once told me that it’s better to parallel the pattern of a lifeline rather than a flat-line. What if you lived most of your life like a flat-line and decided to switch to a lifeline…does that make you unstable? Is it wrong to have highs and lows instead of being constant, predictable and boring? You don’t have to change who you are but you can definitely change your lifestyle, right? I’m kind of over the predictable. I want something challenging, something new and something different. I want to be shocked back into life…I want that flat line to start beeping with all the ups and downs that life has to offer. It can’t hurt to live a little than be so dead inside that everything remains constant and life becomes a routine. Where’s the fun in that?

"The power of words"

Whoever came up with the phrase "sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you" is an idiot. Words do hurt. In fact, I’d rather get hit by a stone then by words. I guarantee a bone will heal a lot faster than the emotional trauma you go through with words that are said. They leave scars so deep that leave you questioning yourself, your relationship with others and where you stand. Words can throw you off so that you are left in a space of confusion and it's pretty hard to get back to where you were before that. It’s like breaking glass and trying to put those pieces together again, it's never going to be perfect again. Isn't that a shame?

Words can be hurtful. It doesn't matter whether you mean them or not because once they leave your lips, they leave an imprint on the person receiving them. With that same token good words can make someone feel better about themselves, and uplift their spirits but either way people do not forget the words that are said to them. Having a cast for a broken arm will lasts months and eventually heals, but words that have been said to someone will remain for years and years. It’s also a tone. People aren’t stupid, they can sense when a certain sarcastic tone or cynical one is being used. My point is to just be careful when you say something to someone that can potentially hurt them because you can’t take it back. Even if you apologize or say, “I take it back” the damage has already been done.

"Willy Wonka...."

Doesn't this picture just make you think of Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory? The old version though, not the new one with Johnny Depp. Or maybe I prefer the new one because Depp's character is so cynical. Yeah, I prefer the newer version. When I stood there and took this picture all I could think about was Umpa Lumpa's and Golden tickets... It's like a childhood dream coming to life.

There's just so much there that you lose focus and dive into this world of bright colors and fall into the trap of indecisiveness because you don't know which candy bar you want in that moment. And secretly you want them all. This picture was taken in Dylan's Candy Bar, New York. Oh. My. God. It's like a chunk of heaven smack in Manhattan- lucky New Yorkers!

Seriously though, wasn't there a time where you would buy Hershey bars and slowly unwrap them because you were looking for a golden ticket? Or was that just me?

"Musical Boots"

When I was younger I always wanted musical boots. Growing up music was a really big part of my family. I remember my dad would wake me and my siblings up by turning on MTV every morning before heading out for school, and I would move around in my bed to whatever beat was on, typically in the 90’s it was either Nirvana or Red hot chili peppers….ah, the days of good music! As I grew up music had to be everywhere, in the car, in my bedroom, and watching TV mainly entailed watching music videos….really, music was played all the time.

Clearly, my fantasy of musical boots sprung way before the creation of the iPod. I always envisioned boots that would instantly play a song that matched my current state of mind and emotion, but unlike the iPod it would communicate with others on the street that felt that same emotion as the music would play out loud and would act like a magnet to attract people with the same mindset. How cool is that? I know...the mind of an 8 year old is extremely creative.

Funnily enough, I still think of the idea of having musical boots. It would draw people together and there would be this connection, like this sense of belonging. I dunno, the idea just sounds comforting.

November tune

It just feels like November. Listening to this song early morning, when it's still dark outside, warm coffee in-hand, behind the wheel and on the way to work....

"Dead...lines"

Today I had a cinnamon swirl coffee cake from starbucks… and a tall caramel macchiato. Why? Because I’m stressed. My hair is falling out, my stomach hurts and of course I feel the need to stuff my face with "comfort" food. At this point there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to complete my deadlines and all I can think about every 5 seconds is the softness of my pillow and the warmth of my covers wrapped around me. I snap out of it and surprise, surprise I'm still in front of my office computer on my bulky table sitting on my chair, with really bad posture. I look like death, too. Sleep deprivation will do that to you. I’m trying real hard to drown out the surrounding noises and trying to focus but I just can’t. I think I’ve been staring out of my window at the trees and the blue sky for an hour now…this is not good. Deadlines. Ugh. Why the pressure? Why won’t people let me work on my own time? I need another coffee. Too bad I quit smoking; a puff would do wonders right now. Only 2 hours and 30 minutes before I have to email the big boss and I have about 10 pages to write. Crying starts now…

“Unlucky Star”

Has anyone ever said to you, “Dude, it’s like you were born under an unlucky star!”? Well, people say that to me all the time. All the time. And it’s not even like luck cuts me a break from time to time. Nope, it’s just pure bad luck all day, every day for the rest of my life. But I’ve learned to live with it and some days I can actually get myself to laugh and cry at the same time instead of just crying. I remember in college it was registration and I was waiting eagerly online to click on all the courses I wanted for that semester, and all of a sudden I get a notice that says “cannot register”. I run around going crazy, and at this point anxious as hell knowing that I’m going to miss out on all my requirements when my supervisor tells me that I haven’t returned a library book and will not be able to access the online system until I do. Haha (nervous laugh) - see, the funny thing about this book is that I had checked it out and lent it to a PhD student who was not part of that university and was currently at work. So calling him up frantically he tells me the book is at his house and all I had to do was go through the window to retrieve it. So I say to myself, “Ok, going through a window can’t be that bad and well he gave me his permission.” My friend rushes me to his house only to find that his house is like one of those tree houses, you know? So there is an ascending staircase and a thin rail in which I had to stand and jump into his balcony. Did I mention it was very high off the ground? Yeah. Like I said, just my luck. The list drags on, too. Like for example the day I got my driver’s license, I also got a nice big fat parking ticket for $60. You can laugh. I know it’s hilarious but so ridiculous at the same time. It’s like movie material. Oh well, it is what it is so I keep hearing from people. You can’t undo what’s been already put out for you, especially if I really was born under an unlucky star. What a horrible thought. Shit. I have to live with this “curse” forever.

"Fish don't have drama"

Scuba diving is probably the most rewarding experience a person can get. It's euphoric and liberating; it's an escape from the World of pettiness, cruelty and most of all...drama. There’s a sense of peace and serenity under the waves, and so deep below where the water turns black and all that’s left is that coldness rubbing against your wetsuit and the millions of different species swimming by your side. More importantly, it’s quiet. You don’t swim by fish and see them gossiping or judging you. There’s no such thing as a social “faux-pas” under the water. However, the time you have under the water is unfortunately limited by the tank you carry on your back- oh Oxygen, why are we dependent on you! Anyways back to the point, fish don’t have drama. Us- humans- we’re all about drama. Even those who say “I hate drama” secretly love it on the inside, just that taste of feud and friction is like a driving force for most people. Why are people so hostile? It’s like the thing to do these days, almost as bad as a fashion statement. Ugh. And the scary thing about drama is no matter how much you try to get away from it, it’s always catching up with you and clouding you with its heaviness. So, do I want to be a fish? Of course not, but I sure as hell enjoy being 130 feet deep under water where all I can hear are my thoughts, and the fish give you that room and space to breathe, relax and think. Space being the operative word. I really believe you appreciate the world more when you’re under the water.

Drama. It’s everywhere. In the office, at a café, at airports, on the street…but not under the water. Under water, tranquility and harmony prevail. Today’s world above water is getting smaller too (thank you facebook, twitter etc…!) and it gets harder to keep personal things personal. I get the whole “social networking” thing but when drama is an added ingredient it just becomes, well, pathetic. It’s a place where self-involved people find delight. So yeah, I like hanging out with the fish more. They swim by me quietly and just get on with things.... people need to get over things and get on with the important stuff. Ha! So unlikely. People love drama.

“Unfortunate Realities”

It’s breathtaking right? Almost picture perfect, definitely post card material. Being able to stand there and take this snapshot was surreal, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. That thought. The same thought I got when I went to Paris and saw the Mona Lisa at the Louvre, when I went to Washington D.C. and saw the White House. That thought. The thought in my head saying, “Seriously, that’s it? It’s that small?” It’s just as bad as when I went to a live taping of a talk show like Jay Leno and was part of the audience, and in all that excitement all I could thing about was the size of the room. “Why does it look so much bigger on TV!”

Oh, the realities of life.... such a disappointment. Or maybe it’s because we have such high expectations or formulate our own images of what these monuments look like before we actually visit them? Why do we do that, anyway?

“Work. Life. Love. Ants…” (Part II)

Part II

Ideally, having none of them in an apartment would make for a blissful life, but nothing in life is ideal so you have to make a choice. At this point the anxiety sets in and you start to remember that feeling you felt the first day you got the keys to the apartment. You feel anything but the sense of accomplishment and begin to realize that the things you’ve wanted for the longest time are the hardest to maintain. These bugs parallel your social life: In high school it was that pest who wouldn’t leave you alone; in college it was the swarm of people that would pick on you, and in the working world it’s your seniors that infest your office space. In retrospect, wouldn’t you choose the poor girl who wanted nothing more than to be your friend? You work your way up and try to step on the little things to lead a happy life, only to find more obstacles in your way. But you make a choice. Yes, you bite the dust and accept the challenges that life throws at you. It’s the only way to move forward (right?). Of course we prefer the ants; they are easy, harmless, and practically invisible. They are the easy way out. You buy a can of RAID and poof, gone like magic. Again, you make a choice. You either stay home forever, or accept the keys to your new apartment and fight as hard as you can to make it work. That goes for the social life too, there’s no more looking back…just forward.

So there it is… independence. Work. Life. Love. Ants…

“Work. Life. Love. Ants…”

Part I

You know the feeling you get when someone hands you the keys to an apartment for the first time? You get this inner feeling of accomplishment because for the first time, something is yours. It belongs fully to you and you get to be the first one to make a mess of it. Of course, like all things in life, making that mess never comes easy and the challenges you face parallel the everyday challenges that we struggle with to survive. It starts with ants. Yes, ants. There’s that little one in the corner and you think, “It’s OK, it’s just one little tiny harmless ant”. Then you wake up in the morning and find a trail of ants in your apartment and realize they aren’t little irrelevant things anymore, they are there and as long as you do nothing to get rid of them, they are there to stay. Scary thought. So then life becomes a struggle in which you try to do everything so you don’t “get ants in the apartment” and for months you buy in to all the products to get rid of them. Months go by and the ants disappear but a new species takes over. The spider. So you’re doing the independent thing and accessorizing your apartment and you cross paths with it. The apartment gets filled with spiders visiting you, with their long legs crawling all over your bathroom floor, kitchen sink, and your favorite (and only) couch because, “it’s the season”. At this point you think, “Those ants were nothing compared to this”. So more months go by and you’re stuck with them. You spray them with anything you can find just to get rid of them (yes, sadly even perfume) and then one day you get back from the end of a long exhausting day and walk in to an apartment swarmed with termites. Suddenly, 3 or 4 random spiders don’t seem bad at all or those poor tiny ants. You never think you’d get to a point where you say, “I prefer the ants”.