So I’m sure everyone has weeks where it just feels like the whole world is crashing around you and a bad day at work turns into a bad day in your personal life and gets you thinking about all the things that you don’t want to think about (well at least I hope I’m not the only one?). Things that make you feel ugly, lonely, empty, not good enough…
Life is hard enough as it is already but then some people add to this difficulty by feeling the need to compare people with others. Why? Why is there this need to compare people’s “beauty”, people’s education, cars, clothes, significant others etc…. And it’s not fair to say that “everyone does it” ‘cause that’s not true. I don’t. My biggest competition is myself and no-one else. I compare myself today to myself yesterday every single day but I never once stop and think “oh my God what about X, why has she accomplished this already and I haven’t?”
I have a real problem being watched as if I were a puppy at a pet shop behind a glass window with people tapping their fingers against the glass to get my attention; watched by people to see if I'm as "cute" as the other puppy next to me or, if I'm as "playful". Quite frankly it's just not good for my self-esteem; it creates this added pressure on oneself that shouldn't have to be there. I shouldn't have to measure my worth by the woman that is next to me. When I'm not surrounded by these types of people- the ones that compare- I feel beautiful (somewhat), I am content with who I am (most days), I enjoy life. When I am surrounded by these people, who I've just decided to call "Confidence Depleters" (and yes, I know “depleters” is not a word but the meaning is there), I feel ugly; I'm sure as hell not content with my very being and I want to curl up and die.
This whole idea that "you're pretty...in your own way" like what the hell is that and why would you even bother saying it. Is that supposed to make me feel special? Really? Or "you've got cool sense of style but she wears designer." Umm...OK, since when was style based on brand names? Unfortunately I can never be classified as having great style because I don't own a Gucci bag...wow. The only thing I am thankful for is that I have a strong enough sense of self that I don't feel the need to change who I am. I'm not going to "dress better" because someone tells me I'm not as stylish as someone else. However, having to deal with that added pressure and constant comparison with other's is just not right.
So in the end I have decided to (for now) try and brush things off...just let it go (which I generally have a very hard time doing) and follow the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
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comparing for the sake of "who's better" is an annoying habit, but one that surprisingly many people have. this goes down to our basic nature as humans: we are considered "better" if we're smarter, stronger, etc... hundreds of years ago, we proved who was the best by physically beating our opponents. but now, we have to do things in a much more civilized way, so we use what we own as a representation of what we have accomplished in life. so "the more you own, the better you are". but let's not forget that 99% of people in our generation have achieved nothing, and are living off the fruits of their parents' achievements. so when a girl boasts how her designer jeans fit her perfectly shaped ass much better than how some other girl is wearing jeans from the discount box at walmart, she needs to be reminded that it was her parents that put that pair of jeans on her ass, not her.
ReplyDeletecomparison isn't all bad though. i don't see a problem in comparing myself with someone that i admire and think is successful, and try to assess what this person did so i can follow in their footsteps and maybe even go further.
so comparison is actually a positive thing, as long as it's done in a way that isn't destroying self-worth and self-esteem. because at the end of the day, as important as it is to try and benchmark oneself against what others have done, people must still also appreciate themselves and their self worth, and be confident of who they are.