"Brushing it off…"

So I’m sure everyone has weeks where it just feels like the whole world is crashing around you and a bad day at work turns into a bad day in your personal life and gets you thinking about all the things that you don’t want to think about (well at least I hope I’m not the only one?). Things that make you feel ugly, lonely, empty, not good enough…

Life is hard enough as it is already but then some people add to this difficulty by feeling the need to compare people with others. Why? Why is there this need to compare people’s “beauty”, people’s education, cars, clothes, significant others etc…. And it’s not fair to say that “everyone does it” ‘cause that’s not true. I don’t. My biggest competition is myself and no-one else. I compare myself today to myself yesterday every single day but I never once stop and think “oh my God what about X, why has she accomplished this already and I haven’t?”

I have a real problem being watched as if I were a puppy at a pet shop behind a glass window with people tapping their fingers against the glass to get my attention; watched by people to see if I'm as "cute" as the other puppy next to me or, if I'm as "playful". Quite frankly it's just not good for my self-esteem; it creates this added pressure on oneself that shouldn't have to be there. I shouldn't have to measure my worth by the woman that is next to me. When I'm not surrounded by these types of people- the ones that compare- I feel beautiful (somewhat), I am content with who I am (most days), I enjoy life. When I am surrounded by these people, who I've just decided to call "Confidence Depleters" (and yes, I know “depleters” is not a word but the meaning is there), I feel ugly; I'm sure as hell not content with my very being and I want to curl up and die.

This whole idea that "you're pretty...in your own way" like what the hell is that and why would you even bother saying it. Is that supposed to make me feel special? Really? Or "you've got cool sense of style but she wears designer." Umm...OK, since when was style based on brand names? Unfortunately I can never be classified as having great style because I don't own a Gucci bag...wow. The only thing I am thankful for is that I have a strong enough sense of self that I don't feel the need to change who I am. I'm not going to "dress better" because someone tells me I'm not as stylish as someone else. However, having to deal with that added pressure and constant comparison with other's is just not right.
So in the end I have decided to (for now) try and brush things off...just let it go (which I generally have a very hard time doing) and follow the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Airplanes

What a powerful song.
Absolutely love it and can't stop playing it.

9 Deadly Words Used By Women

I got this as a forward in an email today and couldn't stop laughing. Unfortunately, I have said/done all of these things multiple times to many men...!

1) FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and all you need is to shut up.

2) FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3) NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4) GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!

5) LOUD SIGH
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to number 3 for the meaning of nothing).

6) THAT'S OK
This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7) THANKS
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - this is true, unless she says "thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. Do NOT say "you're welcome". That will bring on a "whatever".

8) WHATEVER
A woman's way of saying F- YOU!

9) DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong?" For the woman's response, refer to number 3.

Thought of the day

People try too damn hard to be someone they're not. It's quite sad. Do they think they are that "uncool" (for lack of a better word) that they have to go on pretending to be "cool" to impress everyone?
Why do people try to impress others anyway? Sick society. Very sick. I applaud those who have learned how to burst the bubble and just be themselves.
Who wants to surround themselves with pretentious people, anyways?
What's the fascination with luxurious items that will be out of fashion the next year or destroyed a couple years later?
This idea that Money buys Class... it doesn't. At all. And I could write a book about this topic because unfortunately I was surrounded by these types of people for a very long time. Ugh. I just want to shake them and say "what the hell is wrong with you" but I know that won't get me anywhere... sad, sad, sad.
I wonder what it is? is it their inherent nature? their society- well it can't be that 'cause I grew up in the same one. Scratch that. Hmmm...still boggles my mind and cannot stand fake, materialistic people. It's jut not a way to live either.

Another Month ending...

On the upside of things, it's getting closer to the summertime and who doesn't like the summertime?

Downside, every end of the month is a reminder that rent is due, electricity, water, phone bill....ugh. It's the never-ending cycle of money being taken out of your bank account rendering your end of the month paycheck useless, really (well, it pays the bills but that's all).

"A tribute to a friend, my best friend"

Do you have a friend so close that she/he practically becomes family and integrated into your family- with mom, dad and siblings? A friend who you know you'll never lose no matter how far away you are from each other and no matter how many years pass without seeing one another? I do. My best friend, sister, Rawan.

It had been 2 years since I last saw her, yet when I met up with her in Amman it felt like we had just seen each other. No awkwardness. No fakeness. Just pure excitement and joy to finally be physically in front of each other and talking face to face. It was great. And although short-lived, 3 days, they were by far the best in 2010 so far.

She is probably the only person who knows intricate details of my life and definitely one of a few people I trust with anything. What I respect about our friendship is that we both have a "what you see is what you get" attitude and if I have something negative to say about her or a problem with her, I tell her straight up as does she with me. And you can't ask for anything better than that. We've been friends since we were 12 years old- so that's 12 years for you. Granted we've definitely had our ups and downs and at one point of my life I recall us being enemies to the point where we would not even say hello to one another. But that's High school drama for you. In College we practically lived with each other- roommates in my own house, heh. It was amazing. Someone who was and always will be on the same level as I am in every respect- boys, education, work, fun all of it. I love my best friend, Rawan more than words can explain. Being able to re-connect with her in person after a couple of years was a great refresher and my visit only highlighted for me how true a friend she is and how I honestly cannot live without her in my life (not only because she knows all my secrets hehe).

I also included a picture of the both of us in Amman at a club just doing our thing. :)

Runaway Car

my 24/7 song! :)